Slowing Down
I’ve been finding that when I’m inundated with unfamiliar sensation, my body needs time to sit with and process it. Some of us might call this a form of depression - a sense of pervading heaviness, perhaps a standstill altogether. And the activeness and busy-ness that our society values, has us typically regard such an occurrence as a detriment, thus leading us to want to avoid, ignore, or even energize this state.
It undoubtably has been a challenge in its unfamiliarity, discomfort, and inconvenience when seen through the lens of life as I’ve always lived it. But after several encounters with it now, and a shift of perspective, I’m beginning to find a great deal of value while in this space.
The weight I’ve felt has necessitated slowing down, and doing less. And this has gifted me with the discernment and clarity of what was most important for me to spend my energy on - seeing what fed and nourished me in some form or another. And with the adeptness I did not have when my energy was abundant, I more clearly saw the places I spent my energy with little to no return. It’s scarcity now making it ever the precious resource really assisted me in making the adjustments necessary to preserve and reinvest it into myself and the areas of life that keep me feeling vibrant, generous, and connected to myself as I desire to be.
Beliefs and patterns long held and hard to let go of - disappointing people, the fear of losing relationships, etc - began to slowly melt away with little effort as I sat with the sensations I was feeling as I was feeling them. The heaviness of continuing to value how others felt about me over my own true desires and needs, having allowed that to drive my choices in so many ways. And the relief of setting that pattern down, leading to the buoyancy I feel when I make choices based on what brings me joy; the surge of energy, and how much more of me shows up to the space.
Slowing down has meant experiencing more, not less. It’s given me the opportunity to tune into the sensations in my body and my experience that are easy to pass over when I’m quickly moving and splitting my attention with many many things. The undercurrents in my life, ever-present and often driving a number of my behaviors and reactions. Recognizing that a large part of my aversion to sitting with these sensations and emotions has to do with both my unfamiliarity in interacting with them and my judgement of them. That when I suspend what i think I know about these thoughts/sensations/emotions and begin to open to what they feel like and what they have to say, it ends up being very informative, even enlivening, and ultimately relieving and even empowering. I can begin to listen to what these parts of me that feel this way need, and can begin to find ways to give it to myself, leading to a whole range of emotional experience rooted in security and fulfillment.
Whether the causes of seasons like these are deeply personal or stem from the collective actions of our global society, whether their origins are singular or compounded events, we stand to gain more than we can imagine by being with and allowing the sensations in our bodies to speak to us. We may have grown up with beliefs that it is undesirable to feel pain, to feel sadness, rage, or fear. So much so that we turn off our awareness of these feelings as they undoubtably move through us. So much so that we fill up our lives with busyness and ways to feel good to divert our attention. And there is nothing wrong at all with being busy, with having fun, with feeling pleasure, and accomplishment, and all the other beautiful aspects this life has to offer. At the same time, there is a great deal of freedom, of awareness, of reclaimed energy, of the power and ability to craft and create with a sense of self that touches our depths, and that intimately knows our unbounded nature, once we are able to connect to these sensations without judgement, what some call our shadow aspects.
Our emotional capacity is our gift, if not our superpower. Our ability to feel, to sense, even in times of intensity provides powerful fuel for our actions, and direction from our hearts. And when anchored in love and coupled with our ability to connect to what those around us are experiencing, seeing them as sovereign expressions of life itself, it becomes the portal for new paradigms of limitless creative potential, expression, and experience as a human being.
When I hear about raging fires in the Amazon jungles and Australia, when I hear of earthquakes tearing apart Puerto Rico and little being done by a country that claims ownership over them, when I hear about endless war and any of the injustices we inflict upon each other and this planet - it’s okay that it affects the way I move through my day, and life as I typically live it. It’s okay that it slows me down and causes me to think and to feel. Feeling what is happening in the world around me, how we are all connected, is a superpower we possess. It captures my attention, and has gifted me with the motivation to stop and look at the world I can affect, at the actions I take daily, and slowly in manageable steps, begin to question and shift the choices I make.
And from this space, I’ve connected with my values and made many shifts over time, shifts to eat less meat, shifts to carry my own utensils and use less plastic, shifts to shop and consume less in general, shifts to question how much do I really need and then when i do buy something shifting to patronize companies that prioritize sustainable and ethical practices. Shifts with how I spend my time and energy, deciding that it’s important for me to designate time generating the qualities in me that I wish to see more of in the world, love, peace, understanding, forgiveness, generosity, kindness, respect, curiosity, creative flow. When I see injustice in the world around me, begin to look inward and see where it exists. Slowly become aware of the places and circumstances where I am intolerant, unforgiving, vengeful, where I lack compassion, where I am inconsiderate, where I contribute to pollution - and see what I need in those times, so I can support myself. So I can more easily see and support others when I encounter it in them, with compassion and understanding.
We are creators. We are beings capable of experiencing the world around us and then responding to it in innumerably original ways. There is something for us in every situation. Slowing down can allow us to feel, assess, and realign our awareness, our choices and our energies. There are no limits to what we can create together, beginning with connecting to the desires for our own lives as we wish to see them and our sensations guiding us to that truthful unique expression.